I like how people always use the word "musings" in their blog posts.  It makes even the most mundane blog posts seem like they might be profound.  I won't pretend that anything I say is too profound, though, because I know it's not true.  =)

Anyhow -- I haven't had much to say this week.  It has been a slow week, at least in topics you all might be interested in hearing about.  They can't all be winning weeks (or blog posts), unless you're Charlie Sheen. 

On Wednesday, I spent most of my day trying to organize paperwork and computer files that would help make things easier for my clients who are going to file for reimbursement from their insurance companies.  I'll admit, it wasn't an exciting day, and I think I gave myself a blood clot from sitting at the kitchen table typing all day, but most of it is done.... and hopefully that means it is an easier process down the road for the next person who asks.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to meet up with a past client (and now friend) and her little one born a month ago.  While I was there, the baby fell asleep on my shoulder like a little love.  Awwww....  Maybe if you guys keep having babies and asking me to support you I will never, ever have to feel like I miss having babies of my own.  That's a much better plan than me adding to the horde of Hendersons, I think.

This morning I received a call from a woman referred to me by a hospital-based midwife I have worked with a couple times this past month.  Whether I am a good fit for this family or no, it is really heartwarming whenever anyone refers anyone to me.  Not a bad way to kick off a long weekend, if I do say so myself. 

Plus, I got real coffee twice (L.A. Cafe and Starbucks!  Sweet!) and movie theater popcorn yesterday, so that always makes me a happy Jen.
 
Enough musings for now.  What are *you* musing over on this sunny Friday?

I have magically acquired belly casting skills and I'm looking for a vic... I mean, a mama.... who would be willing to donate a little bit of time and get a little messy for me to practice.

Must be willing to cover your tata's with plaster, which I know sounds fantastic.  But it is a real good excuse to sit back and relax in a chair with no one asking you to do anything because you'll crack if you move.  That's always a plus. 

Who's in?

Came across this on Twitter tonight:  "You can't micromanage labour. You just have to let it all go." 

Truer words have never been spoken, I think.

I've got to admit--I hesitate with writing some of these things in my doula blog because maybe it is too much info for potential clients.... But I have decided to go with it and see what others have to add. 

I, obviously, charge a certain amount for my doula services.  It may seem to be a substantial amount, but it's actually one of the lowest fees I've seen in our area for certified doulas.  My doula sisters have all kinds of thought processes for setting their rates at what they do, and I have my reasoning.  A big one for me, was merely just feeling like I was very one-dimensional.  By one-dimensional, I mean that other doulas in this area have other complimentary birth-related skills that I do not at the moment.  That doesn't mean that I'm not a good doula, it just means that I'm not a good doula/belly caster because, well, I haven't focused on that and don't have any idea if I'm good at that or not.

So, by not being a doula one-stop-shop for all of these interesting niche-y birth curiosities, does that mean I am missing out somehow?  Do I pale in comparison if I'm not a childbirth educator, massage therapist, or rocket scientist?  

As I gain more experience and really start feeling comfortable in my doula skin, I will consider raising my birth doula rate so I am not short-changing myself and my family....  But in the back of my mind I wonder if I will lose potential clients because they could, for the same amount of money, hire someone who knows x, y, and z.

Sure would love some perspective on this if any of you have insight for me!

I was thinking about this old commercial this morning while I was sitting at the pediatric dentist, playing Sudoku and checking Facebook on my phone while texting clients and scheduling appointments on our Google calendar for the husband.  I love my phone.  I really, really do.  I am more than a little skeptical of people who tell me they don't love their really cool phone.  Maybe I am jaded because I spent six months texting on an ancient flip phone I unearthed after the little pumpkin used my last mediocre phone as a combination chew toy/drool rag.  Plunking away endlessly at numbers on that flip phone until I finally selected the correct letter assigned to that number... well, it was torturous.  And I always loved walking into a store or a client meeting feeling all put together, and then pulling my phone out to silence it.  I think I recognized the looks on a couple of the dads-to-be at those meetings:  An amusing mixture of, "You've GOT to be kidding me!" and "Poor thing!"  I assure you, guys, it was as embarassing for me as it was for you.

My husband took me by the shoulders a few months ago and said those four words I'd been longing to hear:  "Go buy a new phone."  Armed with my first post-holiday doula check, I went to Best Buy and did just that.  It ranked up there with one of the happiest moments of my life.  I think I'm almost serious about that, too.  But, lest you think I am totally shallow and for sure a dweeb, it did get me thinking about something else, too:  How we communicate.

Now, I know that my time is limited right now, as I've got a hospital meeting to go to later on in the evening and my heart will be sad if I don't get out to jump on a horse while the ever-elusive sun is actually shining here in Michigan.  I will at least START my thought and maybe finish in the near future.

I enjoy conversations with people, but I must always work on myself to make phone calls.  Sometimes it is a lack of energy, wanting to just fire off a couple thoughts via text before I forget.  Sometimes it is sheer chaos in the background and a desire to not interrupt my conversations every five seconds with, "Stop hitting your brother with the light saber!"  "What has mommy told you about swinging on the chandelier?"  Real conversations mean I am probably hiding in my closet somewhere, whispering, and praying the kids will not catch my scent on the air.  Real conversations are important, so those are the sacrifices I make for you.  =) 

I am finding, more and more often, that my clients prefer to communicate via e-mail, which I thought was slowly going the way of the buffalo.  Apparently, it seems to be the one way working mothers can hold on conversations without getting in trouble while on the job.  Now that I get e-mail on my high-fallutin' phone, I could care less what form communication takes as long as people are contacting me.

Thinking of texting and e-mails, specifically, I've always been told that those are two of the most impersonal forms of communication you can get.  I don't feel that way, personally, but I hear some stern voice in the back of my head barking that at me when I open my inbox, ready to compose a message. 

More to come, really must gitalong, little doggie.  In the meantime, what are your thoughts?

Give peas a chance.  Just kidding.  I recently saw Paul McCartney singing that song on t.v. somewhere, and it's been stuck in my head ever since.  I think I am thinking about it because my children are, well, bad babies.  We really do know what it means when people say, "Pray for peace!" because we do it every day!  With four boys, it is usually only obtainable after they are tucked in bed, and usually not even then, but it is nice to dream about it!

However, peace is not entirely what I was wanting to blog about, so I guess I will awkwardly segue into my serious thought now, regardless.  (And I applaud any of you who are still reading this far in....)

The other day I came across a discussion where a burnt-out doula-in-training, fresh from an exhausting birth, was contemplating charging future clients extra if they elected to have an epidural during their birth.  Understandably, it caused quite a mixture of emotions amongst the other doulas, as our goal, very simply is to support the family in the varying decisions they must make.  And, yes, that applies to decisions we wouldn't make ourselves.

This blog post isn't to put this doula's idea down, but to create some dialogue between whoever is reading this (I know you're out there!) and little ol' me.  So what do you think? 

In fairness--for those of you who have never been at an epidural birth--it is often more difficult to support someone with epidural anesthesia.   You become the legs--and really, the lower body--for this woman because she generally can't move on her own any more.  It certainly can be pretty taxing on everyone involved.  But to charge extra?  To scare mothers away from that option for whatever reason?  What if a financially-strapped family has to pay an additional couple hundred dollars, in the end, for doula support?  Will that mother feel guilty asking for an epidural knowing that she just spent the money that should've been spent on groceries or a utility bill?  Will she feel violated, mentally, because she feels like a choice was taken away from her?

And, I always feel like those things you are most frightened of and focus upon--i.e., "The LAST thing I want is a c-section!" or "I don't know WHAT I will do if my baby is breech!"--are often self-fulfilling prophecies.  While I don't place any real serious stock in the laws of attraction, my thought is that worrying about these scenarios really implants them in the back of your mind.  Therefore, in my mind, to tell a woman that I will charge more if I have to support her while receiving epidural anesthesia, I am setting her up to need just that because it becomes a worry shoved away for a rainy day.     

I would love to hear your thoughts on this, peeps.  I also need to confirm that I'm not talking to myself. 

This job is such an amazing conglomeration of ups and downs.  It seems like such an interesting choice for me to pursue, as well--but perhaps it is more accurate to say the job found me when I needed it most.  If you want to know more about THAT, ask me.  Now, back to the blog....

I would describe myself as shy, though I seem to have little issue meeting with relative strangers and diving into conversations that may or may not pertain to the mother's nether-regions.  If I was on a first date, I would be straddling the fine line of being slapped across the face.  Alright, so I am being a little silly about that, but, yeah, it's not generally first-meeting conversation for people with your average job... no less someone who would characterize themself as "shy".  Still, I meet these mothers, and oftentimes their partners, and I do enjoy the process..... even the process when all of the sudden I find all other conversations in the room have died down and I'm still talking loudly about perineal support in the middle of a Starbucks.  =D

People have all different reasons why they choose everything, from the doula that supports them to the cereal they eat for breakfast.  (And, if we think of doulas in terms of breakfast cereals, I sort of hope that I'm either Reese's Puffs or Cinnamon Life, but, again.... back to the blog...).  In terms of people looking for birth support, it is fascinating to me to see how people choose who they will surround themselves with during their birthing time.  Sometimes I have client interviews I feel go so swimmingly, and then they choose another doula for reasons unknown and, often, out of my control. 

It is a bit of a rollercoaster ride--the high of making a connection with someone and envisioning yourself supporting them as they welcome a new life into this world; the low of that not coming to fruition, yet still with a sense of satisfaction in the background that this family will have the excellent support of a doula sister.  To be sure, this is a strange position to be in.

And when the stars align and you are brought into a family's birth experience, and you leave that family behind, babe snuggled in their arms.... well, that's the best feeling of all, and it makes the rest of the ride worth it in the end.
  
Looking forward to more exciting trips around the track.  Love to my past, present, and future clients--and my doula sisters who are also on the ride with me.

A client who had her baby this past weekend called to touch base today, now that she is nestled back into her homey home.  She told me the midwives and the nurses at the hospital we were at said that she had a really good doula, and my client wanted me to know....  which is so very sweet and makes me feel like a trillion bucks.  I don't mention that to toot my own horn, but just to think out loud a little bit about some things....

The staff my client was in contact with made mention that some doulas they come across aren't so good, which is a little baffling to me.  I certainly feel like I am attentive and hands-on.  I tend to view each birth I am at as if I was attending a homebirth--it is my job to get this and that, there is no button to be pushed where a nurse will run in and ask what she can do for the mother.  In my mind, this is normal and, honestly, very common sense for someone who has been  hired to be a helper.  So if I am doing what I feel like every doula should be doing, in basic terms, then what are other doulas doing or not doing?  I would love to know the answer to this, but know I probably never will.  And that's okay, really.  I will just continue on my merry little way, knowing that for one moment in time, at the very least, I did someone a good turn.... and that all I can do is worry about myself. 

My prayer is that I can always make a difference for the families I attend to, and that I can also make a teeny-tiny positive difference in the perceptions of staff at facilities where they may not be so accepting of doulas.

Feeling happy on the inside.